**The ability to self-reflect can make our lives easier in almost every area. With our hotspots, you'll learn how you can do it too.**

## Self-reflection - what is it anyway?

Self-reflection describes an activity in which we think about ourselves, our feelings, our actions, and everything that makes us tick. We critically question these things and are not afraid to have a conversation with ourselves. Self-reflection can be uncomfortable and exhausting, but it will help us in any case. Provided we don't sink into brooding thought spirals and are able to forgive ourselves for our mistakes.

Because self-reflection does mean that we critically question ourselves. But it does not mean that we are dissatisfied with everything we do and question our entire being. We just look for small adjusting screws that we can perhaps turn so that the entire machine runs a bit more pleasantly. And we do that best on a regular basis. But we leave the thing itself, the whole person, as it is. Sounds complicated? Let's look at it with an example.

## Self-reflection in practice

Michael had a really difficult day at work. He wasn't in a good mood anyway and then his boss criticized some things about his project. Therefore, he had to throw a big part of last week's work over the pile. In short: Michael was just annoyed. Then Ida, his colleague, with whom he normally gets along really well, pointed out to him that the cups were starting to pile up at his desk. She asked him if he could clear them away. And that's when he had a mini freak-out. He hissed at Ida that it was none of her business and that she should mind her own business.

When Michael sat down to dinner with his friend in the evening and talked about the day, he quickly realized that his behavior had been quite a slip-up. He analyzed his behavior, and in talking with his friend, he realized that he had simply taken out the frustration he had about his work and his boss on his colleague. He unceremoniously texted her and apologized. She wrote him right back, "Thanks for your apology. It's okay, we all get annoyed sometimes 😉). After that, the matter was settled.

## Creating hotspots

So far, so good: Michael took out his anger on his colleague in the heat of the moment. Afterwards, he reflected on it. This self-reflection led him to apologize. First of all, that's a step in the right direction. But his approach also has room for improvement: He could also reflect and think about the self-reflection again. This means that his apology was right and good. But it could have come earlier. Or it could not have come so far at all. How can Michael take his self-reflection to a new level?

The key to becoming more self-reflective is to go through life with a greater awareness toward our actions and feelings. For example, Michael could practice being more aware and mindful of his feelings and needs. The next time he feels anger rising inside him because his boss criticizes him, he could take a moment to reflect on that anger. Why am I angry right now? Where does this feeling come from? Where can I feel it? Against whom is it directed? 

Perhaps the anger is only superficially directed against others. It is quite possible that the anger actually has to do with a dissatisfaction with oneself, one's own performance or even the unrealistic demands made on oneself.

Such brief moments - let's call them self-reflection hotspots - can help enormously. Optimally, they take place in real time and thus create important room for us to act. Because when we are aware of our feelings, we can give them the space they need. Fear, anger, sadness, shame and disgust - these are all legitimate basic emotions that need their space. If we don't give them that, they discharge in inappropriate places. For example, in a conversation with a colleague who is really just expressing her need for a little order in the office.

These hotspots of self-reflection will affect our entire environment. If we can manage to let the hotspots arise in real time, we can get more capacity for creativity and more energy for our tasks in our private and professional environment. Because suppressed feelings and unreflective actions drag a long chain of after-effects behind them, which require significantly more energy overall than if we live out the feelings. And we can do this primarily by training self-reflection and making it a permanent habit in our daily lives. Then it will eventually slip into our routine and cost less and less effort.

## Self-reflection: You can train these qualities

Psychologist Nick Wignall identifies for "The Understanding Project" three basic pillars we can incorporate into our lives to make self-reflection a solid mental habit.

### 1. openness

Openness means taking off our critical glasses before we look at things. To practice openness, Wignall recommends a decision diary. It is designed to help identify one's belief systems. In it, jot down answers to the following questions:

- What thoughts and inner conversations lead to big decisions?
- What expectations do I have of others when conflict arises?
- What do my automatic explanations look like when I make mistakes?

Try keeping the decision diary just before, during, and after big decisions. You'll get closer to yourself on your way to becoming more self-reflective.

### 2. self-observation

Self-observation, according to Wignall, is about "observing yourself in the same way you observe external things - with perspective and distance." We can best practice this kind of introspection by training to be mindful. This can be done either through mindfulness exercises or meditation. You can find some tips for this in our magazine.

### 3. objectivity

Objectivity gives us the necessary distance to look at things as they are. Or at least to get as close to them as possible. The ability to be objective also means recognizing that your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are indeed a part of you. But that they don't dominate your whole person and you are not at their mercy. 

This means, for example: Just because you have destructive/crazy/addictive/depressive thoughts doesn't mean you *are* destructive, crazy, addictive or depressive too. They are a part of you. But they are not all of you. You have it in your power to look at yourself objectively(more). And thus to practice self-reflection.

*You'd like to bring more self-reflection into your life, but you don't know how to go about it? You are plagued by invasive thoughts and would like to escape from the thought circles? Book a session with one of our coaches. We are sure to find a solution.*

Self-reflection can make many areas of our lives easier. Learn how to create the hotspots for it and thus take your mental health to a new level.

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Self-reflection in the hotspot: Think about it!