*Mindfulness in relationships can contribute significantly to increasing the satisfaction of all involved. With a little practice, everyone can succeed in going through life more mindfully.*

Mindfulness can have a positive impact on all areas of our lives. Those who are mindful are more grounded, strengthen mental health, and better able to handle stress. And those who handle stress better don't have to carry stress into relationships.

## Mindfulness in the relationship

Mindfulness works. It is now considered proven that mindfulness affects both physical and mental well-being. Researchers J. Karremans, M. Schellekens, and Gesa Kappen describe in "Bridging the Sciences of Mindfulness and Romantic Relationships: A Theoretical Model and Research Agenda," draw on numerous scientific studies to describe the benefits of mindfulness. They identify four main areas that we can improve with mindfulness:

- Better control of automated actions ("autopilot").
- Regulation of emotions
- Stronger connection to self
- Deeper connection to others

It is the first aspect in particular that can help use mindfulness in relationships to contribute to better mental health for all involved. Those who are not at the mercy of their impulses and go into autopilot in dicey situations have the opportunity to pause before "getting down to business." Mindfulness in the relationship thus allows to create a space for play. In this leeway, there is room for affection.

Because, this is also proven: Mindfulness helps create love, empathy and better relationships with others. It can also help bring contentment and longevity to relationships.

## How does mindfulness work in relationships?

Mindfulness is the art of catching that tiny moment between action and reaction. Mindfulness means focusing on the experiences that are happening in the now. And mindfulness also means approaching those moments without judgment and accepting them as they are.

Let's try to understand this with an example. Rachel and Alex are best friends. They have known each other for a long time, know each other's secrets and get along very well. Except when it comes to the topic of travel, they get into each other's hair. Rachel thinks she's entitled to fly once a year. She "treats herself" to it. Alex, on the other hand, thinks it's environmentally irresponsible. As soon as the word "vacation" is mentioned, Alex gets angry. They both go into autopilot and rewind the program that runs every time they argue. They rock the boat, mostly hurting each other. And in the end, they're both sorry, hurt to boot.

If the two would learn to communicate mindfully, they could avoid such escalations. Because Alex immediately falls into reaction (gets angry) at Rachel's action (talks about vacation). After that, they both "reel off their program" (they argue). Now mindfulness is the art of pausing for a teeny tiny moment before going into reaction. This teeny tiny moment is like a window that opens.  For example, Alex might look through the window for a moment and see what happens next. After all, she already knows. Then she would have the opportunity to react *carefully*. She could either reel off the usual program or try to discuss the matter with arguments. And without hurting Rachel.

## Mindfulness in communication

We see: People who communicate mindfully can avoid causing unnecessary arguments. But we don't learn mindfulness overnight, mindfulness is something we have to practice.

If you like, you can try the following exercise to prepare yourself for the next difficult conversational situation. It is a mindfulness exercise. If you practice it regularly, you can use it the next time you are in a situation similar to Alex's.

- *Close your eyes.*
- *Concentrate on your breath*
- *If thoughts arise, notice them, but let them move on*.
- *If you don't succeed, don't get angry, but let the thoughts pass by kindly*.
- *Feel without judging. If thoughts or feelings come that you don't like, allow them and observe them. Then let them move on.*
- *Notice the teeny tiny moment between thought and feeling.*

This is just one of many ways to practice mindfulness. There are mindfulness meditations, mindfulness yoga, mindfulness body journeys, and related courses ("Meditation Based Stress Reduction, MBSR) that you can use to learn to be mindful. All of these approaches have one thing in common. They help you not to fly on autopilot through the carousel of thoughts and feelings.

*You can also learn to be mindful, communicate and love with our coaches. Book a trial session and find out how!*

Mindfulness in relationships can help us significantly improve the way we communicate with each other. With these tips, it can succeed. 

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Mindfulness in relationships: A Key to Success