**Fear of loss is mostly related to our self-esteem. The concept of the "inner child" plays an important role in understanding this connection. This is how you can learn to overcome fear of loss.

Sara struggles with fear of loss. She just can't shake the feeling that her relationship with Max won't last. In her search for help, she comes across the concept of the "inner child."

## Fear of loss and the inner child

The inner child represents an attempt to make tangible the sometimes difficult-to-access theoretical world of psychological processes. Ultimately, it is assumed that especially people who had to experience a lot of suffering or even traumatization in their childhood tend to separate this inner child from themselves. This is a protective mechanism: whoever hides an inner child within himself or herself while he or she is growing up does not have to deal with the strong feelings of sadness, fear, anger or the feeling of not being loved.

But all children want to play! Especially our inner children. But if they hide for too long, they become anxious or may not come out at all. Adults then notice this without knowing exactly what is going on with them. They then feel such things as a strong fear of loss or even raging jealousy, have low self-esteem or are plagued by depression.

This is also the case with Sara: She has this inner child that is constantly afraid of being abandoned. Feeling not good enough and not lovable, Sara is constantly afraid that Max will leave her. And that's unhealthy, it limits her relationship and also her daily life. 

## Is fear of loss always unhealthy?

However, fear of loss does not *always* have to be unhealthy. Psychotherapist Stefanie Stahl, author of "The Child in You Must Find Home," for example, says fear of loss is perfectly normal when there is a reason for it. For example, when someone discovers that the partner(s) has/have other sexual partners, while one has agreed to live monogamously. 

Then there is a solid reason to be afraid of abandonment. Even if we learn that our partner is openly thinking about ending the relationship, fear of loss is appropriate. A healthy fear of loss can also be there when we worry from time to time that something might happen to a loved one.

However, with all of these more or less well-founded fears of loss, we are dancing on a very thin rope. If we slip, it can quickly happen that the fear of loss becomes unhealthy. For example, when we are constantly on alert because we *think* we are about to be abandoned - without really knowing if that is actually the case. 

In such cases of uncertainty, it is important to talk to your partner:in and share your concerns. However, without accusations or suspicions, but only by addressing what you feel.

## How can you overcome fear of loss?

But back to Sara and her inner child. Sara's inner child is still scared. She lacks the self-esteem to take away the inner child's worries.

After all, fear of loss almost always has something to do with a lack of self-esteem. People who suffer from severe loss anxiety often act on certain beliefs. And they make it damn hard not to be afraid. 

These beliefs can look like this:

- Others are responsible for my feelings.
- I'm not good enough.
- I'm a bad person and it's only a matter of time before others realize it too.
- I can't make myself happy. Only others can.
- I would be selfish if I were happy.
- Needs for love and attention are best pushed aside.

Do you recognize yourself in these beliefs? Then it could well be that you also suffer from fear of loss. But don't worry: everyone can learn to face their own fears. A little exercise? Grab a pen and paper and try to rephrase the beliefs so that they express something positive. For example, you could write "I am responsible for my own feelings" or "I am good enough as I am." The inner child needs to have enough new experiences in which to retain and reinforce these new positive beliefs.

Also think about how your inner child is doing. Is it perhaps also frightened or has it had to grow up very quickly? Then it can help to approach it slowly. Maybe it will come out to play at some point. That would certainly do you good.

*You are preoccupied with the topic of fear of loss, your self-esteem is low and you don't know how to get to your inner child? A conversation with one of our coaches could certainly help you. Book a session now!

Fear of loss is often related to a lack of self-esteem. In this context, the concept of the inner child plays an important role. 

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Fear of loss and the inner child: come out to play!