**Fear of loss can deceive the most beautiful high feelings in love. How can we overcome it?** 

It was all so beautiful. Sara and Max had finally ended their long-distance relationship and were reunited. Sara was relieved that the missing would finally come to an end and that the two of them could live in the same place again. They had time again to devote themselves to each other to the fullest. Both felt that their relationship had moved to a new level. 

But then an uninvited guest crept into the relationship. At first imperceptibly, and then more and more strongly, thoughts began to plague Sara. And at some point she could no longer enjoy her love for Max: she suffered from a strong fear of loss.

## When the doubts come
It's obvious: A love that does you good and feels beautiful is something you want to keep. So it can be all the more frightening to think that the love could dwindle at some point or that something could happen to the other person.

And if you get caught up in such thoughts, you run the risk of endangering your own relationship. Because the doubts can not only cloud one's own well-being, but also rub off on the partner and cloud the overall mood. In part, it does not even matter whether these doubts are justified or not!

## Loss anxiety and attachment styles
People who suffer from severe loss anxiety are likely to have an anxious-ambivalent attachment style. On the one hand, they have a strong need for closeness, but they also fear forming close attachments. This can result in a diffuse feeling that can culminate in a fear of being abandoned. Such deep fears then often have less to do with the relationship than with the people themselves.

When the fear comes, it can do good to step back a bit and pause. Then it helps to take a good look at your thoughts: Where does my anxiety come from? Have I been in a similar situation before? If so, in which situation did I feel the fear of loss for the first time? What physical feeling does it trigger in me? Only those who deal with their negative thoughts also get the opportunity to move away from them. Here we explain how to do that.

But back to Sara. It would be good if she takes our attachment test to find out what attachment style she has. Then she can start working on moving into a secure attachment style. This will take some practice, but will end up helping not only her, but also her relationship. It also helps to take a hard look at her fear of loss. After all, in order to shed our fears, we must first confront them.

Finally, it will do her good to talk about her fears with Max. It is important to create an open and appreciative atmosphere for the conversation. Sara must not feel that she is being judged for her fears. This is the only way they can both work on creating a trusting relationship - without fear eating away at the relationship.

*Do you feel like your fear of loss is eating you up and slowly breaking your relationship? Would you like to learn more about attachment styles and how to switch them? Book a session with one of our coaches and let's talk.*

Fear of loss can cloud the most beautiful relationships. Once it creeps in, it can become a burden - all the more important to learn how to deal with it.

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Overcoming fear of loss: How we learn to face our fears