**Tips for successful dating flood the Internet. And again and again, they say: Be yourself! But how can you do that? With these tips you will manage to date as authentically as possible.**

If you manage to be yourself when dating, you have the best chance of your date being successful. In the best case scenario, you'll get to know each other, realize that you're a good match, and set up the next meeting right away.

But successful dating does not necessarily mean that there will be a next date. A successful first meeting can also result in both of you realizing that the chemistry just isn't right.

Whichever of the two options it comes down to, your chances of success greatly increase if you're authentic. If you're not, it's going to be difficult. Because if your counterpart finds a fake version of you attractive, you'll probably feel forced to play a role that doesn't actually suit you. And that can get pretty exhausting in the long run.

## Successful dating and being authentic: The background

Being authentic means showing your own real feelings. And that's why we often have such a hard time with it. Being authentic in dating also means making ourselves vulnerable. And the question always resonates: What to do when our real selves are rejected? Being authentic also means not leading the other person around by the nose. And, if necessary, to say things that don't go down well with the other person.

So it's all the more tempting to do a bit of acting on first dates to create the best possible atmosphere. But there are a number of studies that indicate that successful dating looks different.

In the 2019 article "Be Yourself: Authenticity as a Long-term Mating Strategy," several studies were collected on the topic. Among other things, they came to the conclusion that the chance of a long-term healthy relationship greatly increases when you show yourself authentically to the other person. 

In addition, people who are "genuine" also seem more attractive when dating. At least for more mentally stable people, this is another finding from the studies. For those who play games when dating increase their chances of becoming more attractive to people of the so-called dark triad (narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy). And these make it enormously difficult for people to have healthy relationships. (There is a lot more to say about the dark triad. But that would unfortunately go beyond the scope here). 

Authenticity pays off not only for successful dating. If you show that honesty is important to you when you're dating, you're more likely to do the same in a long-term relationship. And according to relationship therapist John Gottman, honesty is one of the most important success factors for a long-term relationship. Without it, you can't.

## Be yourself: 5 tips to date successfully

So much for the background. But now how do we put this into action? The following 5 tips will help you be authentic on your next date. You don't have to take them all to heart, just picking one or two and working on them is perfectly sufficient!

### 1. boost self-confidence

A healthy self-confidence is an important prerequisite for appearing authentic. Because if you're reasonably at peace with yourself, the fear of being rejected, for example, won't be as strong. Then you will also do better in dating.

Take time for yourself and think about what you are particularly good at. Having a hard time doing that? Then talk to a friend about it or ask a family member. Also practice accepting compliments and giving compliments to others.

### 2. strengthen your attachment style

If you want, you can take our attachment style test, which you can find here on this page. Maybe you are one of those people who have an anxious attachment style? Then it could be that you find it difficult to date. Or even that it is scary for you to be yourself. With a secure attachment style, it gets easier, guaranteed! In our magazine, you'll find a number of articles on the topic that can help you solidify your attachment style.

### 3. practice

A very effective way to successfully date is to practice being authentic. Try to pay attention to what you say more often in your everyday life. Is this what I actually feel and think? Practice being authentic with someone you trust. The next time you feel the impulse to say something you don't actually think or feel, stop for a moment. And then say what is really the matter.

### 4. prepare yourself

Prepare for your date. Before your next date, think about what's really important to you. Maybe it's certain values you stand for, certain shows you like to watch, or certain music you like to listen to. Bring those things up in conversation on your next date. Not only will you be more authentic, but you'll have things to talk about!

### 5. learn to fail

Try to accept that it's okay to fail in life. In fact, it's desirable. Because we can only grow from things we don't understand or create. And with the knowledge in the back of your mind that a date that goes wrong is not the end of the world, you already increase your chances of successful dating tremendously. 

The next time you're faced with a difficult situation that scares you, ask yourself: What is the worst that could happen? Play out the scenario in your mind's eye. And then ask yourself again: Would it really be as bad as you imagine? What would the consequences be? By the way, this tip will not only help you with dating, it can also make many areas of your life easier.

*You have no idea how to integrate all these tips into your life? Would you like to learn how to master your dates more successfully? Book a session with one of our coaches today! We're sure to find a solution.*

The key to successful dating is above all: to be authentic. But "Be yourself!" is easy to say, but hard to do. With these tips, you'll succeed. 

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Successful dating: Being authentic - With these tips you will succeed

It helps to talk to my partner in times of need

I usually discuss my problems and concerns with my partner

I don't feel comfortable opening up to my partner

I prefer not to show my partner how I feel in my core

I often worry that my partner doesn't really care about me

In a relationship, I worry that my partner doesn't care about me as much as I care about them

**#safe #free #comfortable**

You feel safe in your relationships and have no problem with being dependent to a certain extent. 

**You have great confidence and are proactive that the other person *WILL* be there for you *IF* you really need him or her.** It is easy for you to be an anchor in the relationship and to exude a sense of security in the process. You are in good company in the truest sense of the word: **Around 50-60% of the population have a similar attachment style as you.**

You have a solid base, but you probably know it yourself: Even with a secure attachment style, conflicts and injuries are inevitable. You probably already know the best ways to handle this: **self-reflection and openness.**

Secure

**#closeness #harmony #overthinker #othersfirst**


Your attachment style is geared towards **closeness and security**. That's great - in your partnership you give a lot and spread warmth and harmony. Familiarity and closeness are important to you - you love being close to your partner

Blind trust in your partner is difficult for you, **a little doubt like that gnaws at you sometimes**. Sometimes it can happen that you think that your loved one doesn't need you as much as you do. You are not alone with your attachment style: **Around 25% of the population have an attachment style similar to yours**.

Anxious

**#independent #facts #safedistance**


Your attachment style is more **autonomous**. You love your independence, you are independent and you are enough for yourself, you prefer to go through the world with your head held high.

But **if someone gets too close to you, it can happen that you withdraw**. After all, you don't want to run the risk of becoming dependent - that's why you prefer to keep your insides to yourself.  You're not alone in this: **around a quarter of the population have a similar attachment style to you.**

Avoidant

**#independent #passionate #HotAndCold #contradicting**

As it stands, your attachment style is geared towards **both closeness and autonomy**. You seek to be close to your counterpart and you can be very passionate about it, that is important to you.

**What is even more important to you: your independence**. It can feel strange to you to be dependent on others. But it can seem just as strange when someone else depends on you. This can be confusing for some people - First you come in hot, look for closeness, find it - and bang! you quickly run back to your hiding place. 

You are not alone with your attachment style: **Around 15% of the population have a similar attachment style to you.**

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Successful dating: Being authentic - this is how it works