**Self-love means being able to feel deepest and unconditional love for yourself. But this can sometimes be quite difficult. Fortunately, however, it can be learned.**

There they are again. Those headaches that creep up from behind and prick your temples like a thousand little needles. Then suddenly the light is too bright and everything is too exhausting. Laura just manages to close the laptop and lie down while she listens to the aspirin tablet dissolve in the water. Now, she knows, only rest will help.

## Self-love: What is it actually?

Laura - representing many other people - has failed to listen to her needs and put others before herself. She forgot about her self-care and thus neglected an important pillar of self-love. For this, her body has now sent the bill. It now demands what all people deserve: love, affection and relaxation.

Many of us have not (properly) learned to listen to these signals. This also has to do with the relationship we have to self-love. For most of us, this goes back to our childhood and upbringing. If, for example, we rarely received praise as children, we will also find it difficult in the present to like ourselves for something we have done.

Especially people who had the feeling in childhood that they were not good enough will later lack self-love. The situation is very similar with children who were given the feeling that they were only good enough if they "achieved something". In such children, it is not uncommon for the inner driver "I'm okay if I'm perfect" to be formed - a maxim that leads people to push themselves further and further, forgetting to take care of themselves, just like Laura. On and on, better and better, until the fuse blows.

She hasn't learned any other way. Early on, she internalized the belief that it is important to take care of others and to put her own needs aside. Because this is another widespread (mis)belief: Success only comes to those who give everything. Without regard for losses. However, those who forget to love themselves will eventually be caught up by their own needs. To avoid this, it can help immensely to learn self-love. But how does it work?

## How does self-love work?

Self-love is a warm and cozy little house that stands on four supporting pillars. These are self-knowledge, self-esteem, self-respect and self-care. If one of these pillars is missing, it can quickly happen that the little house tilts or at least wobbles uncomfortably.

**Self-knowledge**

Sef-knowledge has to do with being mindful of ourselves and our thoughts. In order to (know) ourselves, it helps to look and listen closely: What thoughts trigger feelings of anger, fear, or rage within us? In which moments do we feel good?

If you are aware of what is going on inside you, you will also find the key to self-knowledge. It also helps us to react in difficult situations in such a way that they do not burden us too much. Because: Whoever knows himself (or herself) can also handle himself (or herself) with care. And for something like that, we need time: time for ourselves, time for muse, time away from media, and time for our own bodies. 

**Self-respect**

Our self-esteem consists of the belief we have in ourselves and the things we believe ourselves capable of. All too often, we find it difficult to believe that we can accomplish certain tasks. It then becomes all the more difficult to actually master these tasks.

Self-esteem is therefore also made up of our abilities, of what others or we ourselves value in us. It is our strengths, talents and also the nice things we can give to others - a nice gesture, a smile or a hug. Self-esteem is incredibly easy and unfathomably difficult at the same time: because everyone:r has it. But not everyone can find it.

**Self-esteem**

Self-esteem comes from a healthy feeling of self-respect. Those who know how to value themselves, their values and abilities, will develop a respect for themselves. While we develop self-worth more independently of our qualities, self-esteem relates more to the things we can accomplish. It also has to do with the accomplishments we can make.

**Self-care**

The fourth pillar of self-love is self-care - this is mainly about how we pay attention to our needs and listen to the signals our body sends us. Overtiredness, high stress levels, back and neck pain; these are all signs that we are not doing enough self-care. Self-care also has to do with paying attention to everything that surrounds us: people, how we interact with them, but also the things we hear, see, smell or taste: Do they suit us? Do they do us good?

All of these aspects mean that we have to take good care of ourselves and talk to ourselves again and again: Am I doing something that is good for me right now? Or am I overburdening myself and taking on too many tasks, when what my inner self really needs is relaxation and rest?

This is also the point that Laura has neglected. While she has self-knowledge, self-esteem and self-respect well under control, it is only self-care that is lacking. Now, if she practices listening to her body and her needs sooner, she can avoid her body sending her such a hefty bill next time.

## How can we practice self-love?

Now a little exercise on how you too can practice self-love. Imagine that you are a person who is very dear to you and whom you want to take care of. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them for yourself:

- What do I need today?
- What do I like? What would do me good?
- What things am I particularly good at?

Look at your answers and try to integrate some of them into your everyday life. Try to appreciate your abilities and give yourself a pat on the back. Pay attention to the signals your body sends you and try to satisfy your needs. Maybe you have pain in the same place over and over again? Then this is surely a sign that something is overloaded here and your body needs a little more love. Try some meditation, mindfulness training or yoga. You deserve it!

*Your body and your inner self are constantly sending you signals, but you have a hard time listening to them or interpreting them? Would you like to learn to love yourself but are having trouble doing so? Book a session with one of our coaches today.

Self-love is the key to inner balance, contentment and mental health. For this we need self-knowledge, self-esteem, self-respect and self-care.

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Come into your arms: how we can learn self-love