**Sex, self-esteem and mental health are a tightly intertwined trifecta. If we know how they interact, we can also find out a lot about ourselves.**

Sex is a head thing. But without the body and an awareness of it, it often doesn't really work. And if there is something wrong with the sexual relationship, both with ourselves and with our partner:s, it can have a direct impact on our self-esteem. In the case where this threesome is out of balance, it can lead to risky sex practices and dissatisfaction.

For example, a study by researchers in the U.S. found that low self-esteem in young women can lead them to engage in riskier sex, such as frequently changing partners:in the absence or lack of protection. This, the researchers added, sometimes leads to a higher risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Psychological factors such as lack of self-confidence, depression, stress and anxiety disorders play an important role here. The striking thing is that they can lead to sexual risk behavior, but they can also be the consequence of it. Thus, a lack of sexual self-confidence forms. And this can become inscribed in the personality over time and accompany us until we decide to change something about it.

## Cultural problems with sexual self-confidence

Especially people who have had negative experiences regarding sex in the past can suffer from low sexual self-confidence. For example, because they have been confronted with sexual abuse, humiliation, or derogatory remarks and actions by sex partners.

But cultural pressures can also lead to insecurities. For example, if one feels too old, too young, too fat, too thin, or too weak because one does not conform to certain [ideal images](https://app.hellodearest.io/article/when-is-a-man-a-man-emotional-closeness-between-men). All this leads to an inner imbalance in self-perception, which can become so strongly inscribed in our daily experience that the desire for sex diminishes over time. The latter in particular often takes place in the unconscious. And before we know it, we're suddenly wondering why we just don't feel like having sex anymore.

But very specific factors can also lead to shrinking sexual self-confidence. A study by Duke University in the U.S., for example, found that people who suffer from obesity tend to find themselves sexually unattractive, have problems showing themselves naked, and generally avoid sex. Moreover, if it did happen, there was a likelihood that they would not be able to enjoy sex.

And that's where the sexually frustrated cat bites its own tail again: those who are dissatisfied with their sex lives will most likely also have problems with their self-confidence. This then leads, when things go badly, to sexual frustration.

## Exhausting, but worthwhile: working on the self

So what to do if you're struggling with low self-esteem? The answer: work on it. If you're struggling, especially when it comes to your body, it's helpful to figure out what's blocking you. Is it external factors like age, appearance, weight, or generally the image you have of yourself? Or is it rather internal factors, such as an imbalance, negative past experiences, depression or other mental difficulties?

In a next step, it can help to work on these factors. Getting a positive self-image and getting in touch with your [sexual self](https://app.hellodearest.io/article/shameless-sex-learn-to-love-your-sexual-self) is important to counteract sexual frustration and vulnerabilities. This is not about losing weight, wearing great new clothes, or meeting beauty standards. Rather, it's about finding a positive attitude about your self.

*If you're struggling with this, you're welcome to browse our magazine or try one of our learning journeys - because our content is designed to work with you to achieve a positive self-image. You are also welcome to book a session with one of our coaches. We look forward to seeing you!*

Sources: DukeHealth : Weight Loss Significantly Improves Sexual Quality of Life. In: Duke Health News, 2005.

Kathleen Ethier et al. Self-esteem, emotional distress and sexual behavior among adolescent females: Inter-relationships and temporal effects. In: Journal of Adolescent Health 38, 2006.

Sex, self-confidence and mental health are a well-oiled trifecta. Working on the self can help bring them to a new level. 

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Sex, self-esteem and mental health: Here's how they're connected