**It's not uncommon for people in long-term relationships to have less sex than they did at the beginning of the relationship. But that can be changed.**

Sex works. Sex brings people together and releases a whole cocktail of biochemical stimulants. Those who come together for the sake of coming together are rewarded by their own bodies with endogenous opiates, endorphins and dopamine. A pleasant feeling is also provided after sex. This is because the "cuddle hormone" oxytocin is released. No wonder sex is such a popular pastime!

So evolution has arranged it quite well. This exciting mix of hormones ensures that people can happily reproduce and love each other. This is also how many couples find each other. Not only does it fit interpersonally, the sex is also wonderful, it tingles and you decide to spend a longer part of your life together. But at some point, routine creeps into most relationships, no matter how intimate and loving they may be. And with routine comes the fact that sex becomes less frequent and threatens to fall asleep. Unfortunately, this always leads people to give up and give in to routine.

## Is sex falling asleep a sign that nothing is going right?

A common misconception is that a relationship's days are numbered when sex falls asleep. Then it's just not meant to be, people too often think in such situations. Wrongly thought! Because sex, like relationships, is work and involves effort.

So people in long-term relationships should first and foremost deal with themselves and their needs. Only those who know their own needs can communicate them and respond to their partner. Then you can take the time to talk to each other about sex and look for solutions to any problems together.

There are a number of factors in long-term relationships that can cause sex to become less frequent. These include stress levels, lack of sleep, hormonal changes, changes in mental or physical health, relationship problems, side effects of medication, or changes in life circumstances. It is not uncommon for the reason to be a lack of communication.

## Communication is the be-all and end-all

A good atmosphere for conversation is fundamentally important in relationships. This is even more true when it comes to sex. Admittedly: This is easier written than done. Many people in relationships hesitate to talk about their sexual needs, often out of a sense of shame. Not infrequently, this is accompanied by the fear of saying the wrong thing and hurting the partner. 

It also happens again and again that people in long-term relationships assume that their partner must know what they want during sex. No secret at this point: people can not read minds, as much as they may love each other. Every person is different! However, if you are willing to have a fulfilling long-term relationship, you should also get over talking about sex.

## Sex in long-term relationships: It depends on the mindset

The cliché of the sexless marriage is so common that it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Many then think: once the air is out, it won't come back. But this is not true either. 

Because: It depends on the mindset. Thus, a study by Northwestern University from 2018 has found that the belief in this myth alone already contributes to the fact that the passion from the relationship fades. But fortunately, the math works the other way, too. Namely, if you believe in your relationship and have the will to work on it, you can find sexual desire again, even in long-term relationships.

The first step to do that is to break the routine, especially in everyday life. It can already help to create little oases where the two of you can get out of your routine - go on a date again, try a new sport together, or cook a new dish. Especially if you're both busy, it can help if you set aside a fixed date during the week that's reserved just for the two of you.

*You're in a long-term relationship and would like to have more sex again, but don't know how to go about it? Why not book a trial session with one/one*?

Sources: Psychology Today
Carswell, K. L., & Finkel, E. J. (2018). Can you get the magic back? The moderating effect of passion decay beliefs on relationship commitment. *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115*(6), 1002-1033.

No more sex in long-term relationships? That doesn't have to be the case. With these tips, things can work out again.

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Long-term relationships: Where has the sex gone?