**Active listening can enhance our interpersonal relationships and make those around us feel noticed and valued. With these 5 steps, we can learn to listen properly.**

Those who love each other should learn to communicate with each other. And those who want to communicate should know what the other person is saying. And to do this, it is advisable for everyone to prick up their ears. Because there are few things that signal disinterest to our partner more reliably than a bored "Uh-huh" or an absent nod while the focus is glued to the smartphone.

Especially when it comes to emotional topics and things that occupy us a lot, it is important to learn how to listen actively. Otherwise, our counterpart quickly gets the feeling that he or she is not important to us. On the other hand, active listening helps us to avoid conflicts and gives us the chance to get to know our counterpart better. It also helps us train our empathy skills and appreciate the trust that is placed in us.

## Active listening: Let's learn to listen!

### 1. Take time
Especially during longer conversations, it is important to take the necessary time. If we know that we have to leave right away because we have an urgent appointment, we should communicate this and postpone our conversation until another day. Only those whose minds are not elsewhere and who are not pressed for time can give the other person the attention he or she deserves.

### 2. Convey trust
While listening, we may well quickly have ideas about how to improve the situation our counterpart is describing - perhaps we would do things quite differently. But for active listening, we should initially hold back our ideas. Otherwise, we not only stop the flow of speech. 

We may also convey that the other person cannot come up with the solution to the problem themselves. After all, active listening is about emphatically understanding what the other person is saying and showing presence in the process. In other words, don't try to offer solutions. This also shows that we are not 100 percent on board with what the other person is saying, because our thoughts wander off to possible solutions.

### 3. pay attention
In order to learn active listening, we need to stay on task. While our counterpart is talking, we should try to understand her or him without immediately slipping into judgment or comparing ourselves. This is especially true when our interlocutor may disagree with us. 

Only if we really listen and value the opinion of the other person, we can understand what he or she is saying! It is just as important, by the way, to give our counterpart enough time to speak out and also to endure pauses. If we start to answer right away, we may deprive the other person of the opportunity to say something important.

### 4. make conflicts perceptible and visible
If we follow our counterpart attentively, we may encounter conflicts. Perhaps he or she is telling us about things that bother him or her about us? Or we have the feeling that we are being hurt by something that has been said? Then it is important to address this as well. However, without attacking. 

The so-called "I-messages" are helpful here: "I feel a little uncomfortable about the whole thing" instead of "what you are saying is hurtful". Nonviolent communication is the key to success here. If we stay with our own feelings that arise from the conversation, we avoid escalating conflict and can communicate in an appreciative way.

### 5. Communicate that we are listening
When we are actively listening, we get many opportunities to show it in the conversation. For example, when we give short summaries of what has been said or ask follow-up questions. Especially if we don't understand something or would like to hear more details. In this way, our conversation partner knows that we are interested in him or her.

*You have problems listening or you feel that your partner is not listening to you? Would you like to learn how to communicate in an appreciative way? Book a trial session with one of our coaches today!*

Sources: Rogers, Carl & Farson, Richard: Active Listening, 1957; V.I.E.L. Coaching (Hamburg, Germany).

An absent nod is a reliable indicator of disinterest - with these tips, we can learn active listening - and strengthen our interpersonal relationships. 

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Learn to listen! Active listening in 5 steps