**Jealousy is a feeling that many do not like to talk about. But precisely because of this, it can become a problem. What to do if you are jealous?**

Jealousy is nasty. Once it takes hold, it can be hard to get rid of. Many people don't like to talk about this emotion; it's often mistakenly interpreted as weakness or even a sign of uptightness. Yet it is widespread. According to a study by psychotherapist Wolfgang Krüger, 80 percent of Germans struggle with feelings of jealousy. How to overcome jealousy?

## The functions of jealousy

Before we get into the practice, let's first look at exactly what jealousy actually is and what the *function of jealousy* is. Krüger sees jealousy as a kind of early warning system. If jealousy appears, it can mean that a boundary has been crossed. If you see your partner flirting with others, that can trigger jealousy. And that's not a bad thing at first - as a *reactive* emotion, it initially just shows us that we care about our beloved and that we are unsettled by a certain event.

Jealousy, by the way, belongs to the secondary emotions. This means that it is superimposed on a basic emotion. In the case of jealousy, for example, the base emotion is fear - the fear of being abandoned. The fact that we feel such an emotion when we love a person is initially completely harmless. If both partners are aware of this, jealousy can even be something beautiful: it shows us that our counterpart means something to us. If we can communicate such a feeling to our partner and he or she can reassure us in response, everything is in the green.

Jealousy takes on two functions in such a situation. On the one hand, it can show us that we are uncomfortable with the current situation. On the other hand, it can indicate that we feel that our beloved person is crossing a line.

## When does jealousy become unhealthy?

However, when such assurances are of no use and the doubts continue to gnaw anyway, it can become unhealthy. For example, if the jealous person keeps brooding about whether he or she will be cheated on, or if he or she keeps imagining what could happen hours after the situation in question, it can become unhealthy. A good sign of unhealthy jealousy is also when you start spying on your partner. For example, by checking your loved one's email or cell phone without him or her knowing.

People who have to struggle with pathological jealousy quickly become suspicious and smell betrayal everywhere. It can be too much if the beloved talks to another person. Then it is high time to intervene! In such cases, jealousy is a sign that something is out of balance in the inner life of the jealous person.

## Where does unhealthy jealousy come from?

Often, unhealthy jealousy has to do with a lack of self-esteem. Jealous persons in such cases are afraid that they are not good enough, that the partner:in will look for someone new. Perhaps there were also strong experiences of loss in the past, which now surface as a fear of being abandoned again. Pathological jealousy is also often related to other mental illnesses such as depression, psychotic states or addictive disorders. In such cases, one must understand jealousy as a warning signal and seek professional help.

## What to do if you are jealous?

When jealousy sneaks up on you, it is first important to accept it and not suppress it. Because until we admit to ourselves that it is a legitimate and normal feeling, it is constantly lurking in the unconscious and wants to surface. We can only overcome jealousy if we don't repress it (anymore).

If we admit the jealousy to ourselves, that is a first important step. Afterwards we have to talk about it with our partner. Because: This shows that we trust our counterpart enough to admit even such a difficult feeling.

Being mindful of your own feelings can also help protect yourself and your relationship from jealousy. The next time you feel jealous, try this:

- Take a deep breath in and out. Feel inside yourself and try to sense where the feeling is located.
- Ask yourself: What does the feeling feel like?
- Allow the feeling, but don't let it take over. Notice that you are jealous, feel for it, and let the feeling move on.
- Accept that the feeling is there.

Afterwards, you can think about what situation triggered the feeling. Did your partner say or do something specific that made you feel jealous? Once you figure it out, talk to your loved one about it. Tell her, without blaming her, what behavior or situation made you feel jealous.

*You or your:partner:in are jealous and you just don't know how to handle it? Let's talk about it! Book a trial session with one of our coaches!

Jealousy can put a lot of strain on a relationship, especially when it becomes unhealthy. How to overcome jealousy?

01

Home

02

About Us

03

Legal

04

Social

Jealousy: How to overcome it?