**The consequences of toxic masculinity and the perceived pressure of many men to be "masculine" draws dark clouds. How can we counter it?**

Power struggles, dominance, aggression. These are outgrowths of an ideal of masculinity that we all feel in various forms. We only have to take a look at the top echelons of politics and business to see that we urgently need to rethink this.

## Learning to rethink and redefine masculinity

Toxic masculinity stems from expectations. The expectations of what it means to be a "real man." These expectations are countergendered, they are inscribed in our cultural thinking. And not just since yesterday. These expectations need to be reshaped. That means narrowing the differences between the sexes and thinking less in terms of pigeonholes.

As soon as we realize that male behavior is culturally conditioned and determined by norms, we can stop trying to justify it. Because it is not in the nature of a man to display extreme behavior, to take what he wants and to dominate others. He learns it from an early age and later decides to discard it. Or not.

So it is our job to bring the issue to the table and start where it is reproduced every day: In the workplace. When the climate gets too rough, when the workload gets too heavy, you not only get to address it, you *must* address it. Men are allowed to admit that they are overwhelmed and other men should learn to accept that.

## Equality starts with language

We can start with this with language. We can safely eliminate phrases like "be a man, act like one" or "men don't cry" from our use of language. Gender-sensitive language in the form of periods or asterisks may also claim their place in the written word.

In addition, it can be very helpful to create safe spaces where men can express their feelings. We don't need a soccer stadium filled to capacity for that! It's okay and desirable to be vulnerable, emotional or sad - no matter what organ we carry between our legs. Because, to be sure, there is toxic masculinity. But there is also healthy masculinity. This includes being a good role model, helping others, being a mentor. It's also important to learn to admit mistakes instead of burying them in arrogance and covering them up. It's better to [talk about the feelings](https://app.hellodearest.io/article/the-wheel-of-emotions-how-to-know-your-feelings) we have about it instead of bottling them up.

*The Good Men Project* has the following nudges that we can use to rethink masculinity:

- Men can be strong without being violent or aggressive
- Men don't have to feel that women are vulnerable and they need to protect them. All genders can be nurturers and protectors.
- Sensitivity, empathy, kindness, honesty, discipline, strength and rationality are gender-neutral, human qualities.

## Finding and creating space

The beauty of masculine behavior is that we can rethink it and re-live it. If you are fortunate enough to be a parent, you can do something very special. If you want, you can keep what you've learned about masculinity to yourself. You have it in your hands to teach your child values that are not designed to paint a particular picture of masculinity or femininity. You can, together with your partner:in paint a new, more beautiful, more equal picture. Your child will thank you eventually.

*You suffer from toxic masculinity, but would like to change that? Book a session with our coaches or check out our learning journeys ["Your Self-Conscious Self"](https://app.hellodearest.io/journey/your-confident-self) or ["Setting Boundaries"](https://app.hellodearest.io/journey/setting-boundaries) at.*

Sources: Ryon C. McDermott et al: In Search of Positive Masculine Role Norms: Testing the Positive Psychology Positive Masculinity Paradigm. In Psychology of Men & Masculinities. 2019.

Paul Hartzer: Creating a Non-Toxic Masxulinity. In: The Food Men Project. 2018.

Toxic masculinity entails extensive negative consequences. What can we all do to stop it?

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Toxic masculinity: what can we do about it?