**Toxic masculinity leads to much suffering in the world in the extreme. For all genders. If we understand it, we can learn to break it down.**

*Disclaimer: In this article about toxic masculinity we cannot avoid generalizations at one point or another. We are aware of the fact that by no means all people with male sexual organs correspond to the idealized images of masculinity, do not want to correspond to them and, above all, should not.*

Men have to be strong. And assertive. They can spare themselves emotions, [besides, that's something for women](https://app.hellodearest.io/de/article/female-empowerment-alle-geschlechter-sind-stark). After all, they have to hold their own in the power struggle with other alpha males and lead the pack. And besides...have you had enough yet? So have I. And that's fine, too. But what we're talking about is still an important issue in our society: toxic masculinity.

## Toxic masculinity: what is it?

Toxic masculinity usually describes a destructive behavior in men. Often this behavior is the result of ideas of how a man should be. At least according to traditional, patriarchal and often religious readings. In other words, in our culture there are certain ideas about what it means to be a man.

Men have to be as strong as possible, at least in the professional and public spheres. The "strong man" shows little emotion, is self-sufficient, and is always ready for sex. Many boys grow up with these ideal images and internalize them, even if they don't stand behind them at all. Yet they feel compelled to act on them.

This behavior can become harmful, toxic. And there you have it, the toxic mixture for masculinity. Often, as researchers write in the Journal of School Psychology, toxic masculinity manifests itself in showing dominance, degrading the value of women, in wanton violence or homophobia. Outgrowths of these ideas of masculinity are aggression, sexualized violence, exaggerated competitive behavior, isolation as well as misogyny.

## Deeply rooted and long outdated: ideals of masculinity

One has to look far back to find the presumed root of the ideal image of the strong man. Thousands of years ago, when everything was a bit wilder, a strong man with few emotions had a good chance of leading his Stone Age gang and reproducing diligently. The dangers were different: Instead of burnout, the saber-toothed tiger lurked; instead of paying bills, it was a matter of keeping the fire going. And a strong man was well suited for that. Today, as we know, we have very different problems. But the image of what constitutes a "good man" has been inscribed in our cultural memory over the millennia. However, there is much to suggest that we can confidently break it up.

Because - even if a change in thinking is already taking place here - the statistics speak a brutal language. The behavior reflected in toxic masculinity does not make men happy either. Men are more likely to commit suicide, according to statistics from the Federal Statistical Office. In 2020 alone, 9,206 people took their own lives in Germany. Of these, 75 percent were men. According to a study by the U.S. National Library of Medicine, this can be attributed in part to the fact that men tend not to seek professional help. After all, they must be strong. At least they think so.

## Awareness is the first step

To stop the suffering that comes from toxic masculinity, it's important to approach the issue. It is necessary to break down gender roles and soften the image of masculinity. All people have the same basic emotions, no matter what sex organs they were born with. Just as we need to challenge the image of women, we need to ask ourselves what it means to be a man. Once we've done that, we can jettison both categories and try to be human.

*You are a victim of toxic masculinity? You no longer want to conform to the stereotypes, but feel trapped in your role? Book an appointment with one of our coaches. We look forward to meeting you!*

Toxic masculinity: Where does it come from? Only when we understand how it works can we begin to do something about it.

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Bigger, Stronger... Worse: Toxic Masculinity