**When a couple becomes a family, the challenges come naturally - and not just from the task of raising a child. Maintaining a love life also becomes a shared challenge.**

The arrival of a baby challenges every relationship - bringing both joy and doubt. How will we cope with this new situation as a couple? Are we up to the new challenge? Don't worry, every couple asks themselves such questions. It is not uncommon for doubts to arise as the future is uncertain at first. But if you know that certain phases are just normal, you can grow enormously from this challenge as a couple.

## Why does having a baby change our relationship so much?

A new family member changes the relationship dynamic. Whereas before it was just the two of you, now there are four different relationship constellations: Your:partner:in and you; Your child and you; Your:partner and your child; The three of you as a family.

It becomes important for you not to get lost in the different constellations and not to mix your roles in them. Let's take a closer look at each of the constellations and try to find out what the respective relationships mean to you.

- Your partner and you: What role do I want for myself and the other in this relationship? (lover, friend; supportive partner);
- Your child and you: Do you want to be mother/father, friend and/or teacher for life issues?
- Your partner and your child: Do you want to play a role here as well? If so, which one?
- You as a family: How do the three of you want to go through the world together?

![Relationship_Constellations 2.png](https://dearest-content-storage.fra1.digitaloceanspaces.com/Relationship_Constellations_2_df26a38704.png)


Once you have defined your roles for yourself, write them down and look at them: To what extent are you already living them? What would you need to change to be more true to these roles? It may be that you find yourself in roles that you don't want to take on, because it can always happen that we unconsciously take on certain roles.

By the way: You can also ask yourself such questions in relationships with other people to check your current status. The answers may change over time, after all, we are always changing ourselves and our behavior.

Once you are clear about what your desired role is in each relationship constellation, you can also better meet the challenges that the new situation brings.

## These are the challenges you will face as lovers.

If you prepare well for the birth and the time after it and come to terms with your future role, you have already gained a lot. However, one or more of the following challenges may well come your way as a couple.

- It may be that the unique bond between you and your child will provoke feelings of rejection, rejection, and jealousy in your partner.
- You are likely to become more sensitive, possibly changing your relationship with your body. Sexuality goes to sleep.
- Depending on your attachment style, this will also affect your perception of strain and stress.

It's important to know: Only you can influence how your future life will be shaped by security and self-confidence. During this exciting new phase of life, beliefs about you and your family will be reshaped for the future.

## How can you go through this phase as lovers?

- Communicate your feelings. Even though it may be uncomfortable at times, it is important to talk out fears, worries, feelings and thoughts.
- Ask yourselves: What makes us a couple? What connected us to each other before we were born? How can we integrate this bond into our daily lives?
- Share your ideas about the roles you have defined for yourselves.
- Accept that there will be difficult times - but each one is an opportunity to grow from. The right methods and coaching can help you both individually.
- Find out more about your attachment style. It has a powerful impact not only on your stress experience, emotions and thoughts, but also on your child's well-being and healthy development.

*Would you like to find out more about the changes coming to you as a couple and how best to handle them? Book a session with one of our coaches today - I'm happy to talk to you about it too!*.

When a couple becomes a family, it brings great challenges. But it is possible to remain a loving couple - even with a child.

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Becoming parents and remaining lovers: this is how it can succeed