Our personal attachment style not only determines our social relationships. It is also strongly related to our mental and physical health. As we already know, with a secure attachment style we can walk through life on much lighter feet. This is true not only for love, but in principle for all our relationships.

What happens when insecure attachment styles meet?
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Paula Pietromonaco (University of Massachusetts) and Katherine Carnelley (University of Southhampton) have found that people with an avoidant attachment style tend to "choose" people with an anxious attachment style. Why this is so, however, is not ultimately clear. But the two researchers suspect that the two attachment styles go together, they complement each other. After all, "avoidant" people often have the feeling and the need to be independent and strong. This feeling is confirmed when the anxious part starts to cling to the partner:in. But the sensors also go off in the anxious part. They feel confirmed in their fear of being abandoned. Especially when the avoiding part - guided by their own need for autonomy and fear of closeness - withdraws. The problem is that such behaviour and attachment patterns become programmed over time. Even if such relationships fall apart, it may well be that people with insecure attachment styles "end up with the same ones" again and again.

What can you do if you are in an insecure relationship?
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First of all, it can help to look at one's attachment styles. If you then find out that you have an insecure attachment style, it is important to change it. Fortunately, the way we form relationships is not fixed for all eternity. Anyone can manage to switch to the secure side. It takes a little work, but it's worth it!

Do you feel stuck with your relationship? Then let's talk about it! Book a free 30-minute trial session with one of our coaches today.

Why do we always fall in love with the wrong people? It may be due to our attachment styles. The good news is that you can change that.

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The power of attraction: When the insecure meet each other