Sex is, let's not kid ourselves, one of the most important pillars of love. (At least if we leave out alternative forms of love such as platonic and asexual and look at love relationships that take place between sexually active people). And what is better than sex? Good sex.

How to have good sex
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Let's not get it wrong: There will be no "10 hot tips on how to make your sex life great" here. This is not about sophisticated techniques, dirty talk skills or the latest toys. We're talking about something much deeper: the way we bond.

More precisely, it is about attachment styles. Because how we connect with those around us is not only important for our mental health. It is also partly responsible for how the sex is. For example, studies (Johnson & Zuccarini, 2010) have found that people with secure attachment styles are more satisfied with their sex lives overall. People who are secure in their attachments are also more able to let go during sex and rarely tense up. Moreover, people with a secure attachment style also dare to talk about their sexual desires.

In contrast, people with an avoidant attachment style tend to focus on their performance and thus also have problems letting go. People with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style, on the other hand, tend to see sex as proof of love and tend to lose sight of the erotic.

The whole thing can even be justified from an evolutionary perspective. Sex is one of the deepest bonding experiences we are capable of. People who ensure that their species continues to exist through sex are rewarded: the "cuddle hormone" oxytocin is released during orgasm. And those who feel secure in the process have more opportunities overall: The desire, capacity for intimacy and the level of sexual satisfaction demonstrably increase with a secure attachment style.

Want to learn more about attachment styles and how to achieve a secure attachment style? Book a 30-minute trial session with one of our coaches today!

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Good sex makes a big difference - especially in love. A secure attachment style can help make your sex even better.

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Sex - How to upgrade your love life