**When sex no longer works, many people look for faults in the wrong place. About the sexual arousal system and how it is inhibited.**

Imagine your brain is a cockpit. There are many levers, switches and buttons. For example, there's the switch for hunger or the button for movement - you know how they both turn on and off. And then there's a switch that stands for sex. We are now looking for the operating instructions for that one.

**The sexual arousal system**
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The lever is currently in the neutral position. How is it flipped? To find out, let's take a quick look under the control centre and observe where all the cables go. There are cables for each of your senses: hearing, sight, smell, taste and touch, as well as one for your imagination. Depending on how strongly the individual connections are activated, the more the lever will move forward, towards sex.

You know what happens then: You start to tingle, you get warm, the current is shot directly from the control centre into your body to your genitals. In short: you become aroused. The switch is on full blast, the sexual arousal system is activated. The crazy thing is that most of the time you don't even notice how the switch is activated. The wires for this run largely in your subconscious and your brain is searching almost all the time for stimuli to flip the switch. After all, this switch is essential for the survival of the human species!

**Turn off: The sexual inhibition system**
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The lever can of course also be set to "off", and even in two different ways. The first way, which activates the sexual inhibition system, works in principle like the on button. If your brain encounters unpleasant smells, images, sounds, touches, tastes or even thoughts during the scan, it will quickly make your arousal switch move in the other direction.

And that's a good thing. Because in this way, your brain protects you from inappropriate arousal and embarrassing situations - for example, when you're sitting with your family on Christmas Eve or in a café with your friends. Sexual arousal would then be rather inappropriate. All of these types of sexual inhibition can be activated abruptly and can be quite reliable turn-offs.

The second type moves the switch back a bit, just so that it is still on, but not all the way. It then jams a bit and it can take much longer until you reach your goal (if at all). This often has psychological reasons, such as fear of failure or pressure to perform.

**What to do if it gets stuck?**
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When the lever is stuck or doesn't turn on at all, many people tend to jiggle it and try to push it forward. In doing so, they often focus on the on switch, on the system of sexual arousal, instead of looking at how it was turned off. Reaching for aids also seems to come in handy: Viagra for the man, Flibanserin for the woman is supposed to straighten out sex. In the long run, however, it would be healthier to take a closer look at the system of sexual inhibition. If the switch is off for you right now, answer the following questions for yourself.

*   What is your own body image? Are you happy with yourself?
*   On a scale of 1 to 10: What is your level of exhaustion at the moment?
*   Do you have enough time for yourself and for your sexuality?
*   How happy are you in your relationship?
*   Do you have personal or professional stress?

In answering the questions honestly, you may well come across some things that are blocking your switch. When you find them, it's time for self-care. Now think: Are there ways to create more space? What could you do to create enough space for your sexuality?

Also note that such processes take a lot of time and patience. The wires that connect the switches in your cockpit are tangled and long. Allow yourself the time to examine them with all due care!

Would you like to change something in your sex life, but don't know how? Book a session with one of our coaches and talk about it!

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When the desire for sex wanes, many look for faults in the wrong place. To understand this, you have to look at the system of sexual arousal and sexual inhibition.

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Sex at the touch of a button? A guest in your brain