‍**In long-term relationships, it can happen that passion escapes. And with it the sex. What we can do to make the passion come back.**

In retrospect, Lena can no longer say exactly when it happened. Of course she still loves Franziska - with all her heart. She also finds the thought of having to be without her very painful. But something is missing in their long-term relationship. That fiery passion, the feverish desire and the deep longing that literally tied them to the bed in the first months, all that is gone. When they have sex, they love each other deeply, it is beautiful and intimate. But something is missing. And that frustrates Lena.

**Long-term relationship: When the passion fades**
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When Lena finally takes heart and approaches Franzi about it, the two quickly find that passion has slipped through their fingers over time. And when passion slips out of relationships, it can eventually feel like a friendship, a collegial connection or a shared apartment. The relationship dynamic changes.

And when the passion disappears over time, the intimate moments also become rarer. And with them sex; a problem that many people in long-term relationships know. But what to do when the passion dries up? Looking for other sex partners or breaking up may seem like a tempting solution. But they do not solve the core of the problem. At best, they postpone it for a few years. Because if you turn away as soon as the fire threatens to go out, in a few years you will find yourself in another relationship with the same smouldering pieces of coal.

**Self-care brings back sex**
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The first step to rekindle the fire: self-care. In long-term relationships, people tend to focus on the problems and needs of the other person. And forget themselves in the process. And that kills the passion. Because: If we lose ourselves, there is no one left to rekindle the fire. And nothing happens on its own. Only those who can be there for themselves, who know and respect their own needs, desires and fantasies, can find their passion to share it with their partner.

**Long-term relationship: How passion comes back into love**
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People, and not only those in long-term relationships, have needs that are in conflict with each other. On the one hand, there is the need for security, closeness and safety that people like Lena and Franziska find in their relationship. But then there is also the need for adventure, for the new, perhaps also for the unknown.

And this is where passion comes into play. It feeds on the desire for adventure, discovery and playfulness. This is also what makes new relationships tingling, but it will thin out a bit in long-term relationships after a while.

And reconciling these two needs is the big task facing people in long-term relationships.

So how can Lena and Franziska find their fire again now?

1\. Create distance

When you create distance, the passion and desire have the necessary space to return. This doesn't have to be a trip around the world. But a few days, or even hours, in which Lena spends time with herself or with friends can help to make enough space for passion.

2\. Leave room

Every person needs space. A space, whether mental or physical, in which he or she can develop. For example, when Franziska has time to sit down at her old drums again - even if it's only for half an hour - she also rediscovers the passion within herself. And feeling that is guaranteed to turn Lena on, too. Because there she is again: that exciting, passionate and sexy person who once lit the fire.

3.\ Getting to know yourself better

Even though it may be difficult, we have to start with ourselves. It can also help to ask: What turns me off? When do I lose my passion and desire? And what takes the place of these desirable qualities? Of course, this also applies to the other direction: Where is my passion? What turns me on, what do I burn for? Because only when we understand our passion can we get it back.

4.\ Seeking sex

Sex takes place in the mind. Of course, the body is also part of it. But without fantasy, without stimuli that the brain fires at the body, it won't work. So it helps to look for sex inside yourself: What turns me on? What do I think about? How do I feel when I'm in the throes of desire? That's what you have to bring out. And to share it with your partner.

5.\ Talk about it

Tell each other what you need, what you want, what you imagine, what you would like to try and be honest with each other. That doesn't mean you have to share every thought. But talking about your wishes and ideas brings back the passion.

Would you like to learn more about passion, relationships and sex and find out why you tick the way you do? Book a session with one of our coaches today!

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When routine enters long-term relationships, sex and passion can dwindle with it. What you can do to rekindle the fire.

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Love and passion: how to find the fire in long-term relationships again