**Does emotional dependence always have to be unhealthy? On the difference between individual independence, interdependence, emotional independence and their connection with attachment styles.**

Cultivating a relationship always means committing oneself. And often also: to enter into a mutual dependency. But when does it become unhealthy? To find out, it helps to look at the different types of emotional dependence in relationships. Basically, we can distinguish between three types of relationship.

### Individual independence: "I can do it on my own!"“

People who place a lot of value on their own independence do not always find it easy to commit. Often their need for autonomy is great, while they shy away from too close an attachment. We also speak here of the avoidant attachment style.

### Emotional dependence: "I'll do anything for you - even if I lose myself in the process!"

People with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style tend to cling to their partner(s). In doing so, they run the risk of becoming emotionally dependent. They then put their partner's well-being above their own. This is often unpleasant for the other person, especially if he or she gets the feeling that the relationship is out of balance.

How do I know if I am emotionally dependent?
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There are some questions you can ask yourself to find out if you are emotionally dependent. For example, the first thing to do is to find out if the relationship is balanced. Does one of you perhaps care about much more than the other? Is there someone on the other side who feels constrained or longs for more freedom? Both could be signs that there is emotional dependence on one side.

If you feel that you have become emotionally dependent, try to find out how you got there. Are you perhaps afraid of being abandoned? If so, where does this feeling come from? Now it is also important to talk to your partner and check the status of your relationship. Do you both want the same things? Are there things you would like to change? The following applies: Be honest with each other and talk openly about your wishes and problems.

The last question is: What would have to be different to create more interdependence in your relationship?

Interdependence: The art of loving without giving up yourself
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Interdependence is the healthiest way to live in a relationship. People who live in such an interdependent relationship lead it without losing themselves in the process. Both help and value each other without giving up their own values or morals.

Take Mona and Laura, for example. They have been a couple for one and a half years and have a loving relationship. Laura often feels the need to get out and enjoys travelling. In the beginning, Mona had a problem with this. She was always afraid that Laura wouldn't come back and leave her. She was sometimes really jealous, but didn't really know who or what she was jealous of. In such situations, she started to cling and phone Laura - she was emotionally dependent on her. Laura, on the other hand, was really burdened by this. She even considered ending the relationship and felt the urge to run away. But then the two of them mustered their courage and talked to each other at length.

They quickly found out that Mona's mistrust has to do with some negative experiences she had in the past. Then Mona started to work on herself and her attachment style. It took a lot of work and she couldn't do it without the help of her therapist. But at some point she managed to change her attachment style and become more self-confident. Since then, she can let Laura travel without a bad feeling and even enjoy the time alone! In the meantime, the two lead an interdependent relationship. No one has to give up their freedoms or their own independence and yet they can rely on each other.

So with interdependence, we are dealing with secure attachment type people. If you want to learn how to bond securely and why it is so important for our health to bond securely, we recommend this article.

You would like to change your relationship, but don't know how? You and your partner keep coming to the same point that you can't change? Let's talk about it! Book a trial session with one of our coaches today.

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Emotional attachment does not always have to be unhealthy. The difference between emotional dependence, individual independence and interdependence.

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Emotional dependence: Is it always unhealthy?