‍**Breaking up is painful for everyone involved. But sometimes there is no other way. 12 tips on how to end a relationship respectfully.**

If you decide to end the relationship with your partner, you can expect some unpleasant feelings. You may well feel emotional pain, perhaps even physical pain, and guilt may creep in. It could also be difficult from a social point of view. Not all your friends or family members may be happy with your decision. This makes it even more important to treat your future ex-partner with respect and to end the relationship in a way that does not make it more painful than it has to be.

1\.  Do not hesitate any longer than necessary

If you already know that you are going to break up and you feel that there is no way around this option, then do it! Otherwise, you will only torture yourself and allow the relationship to break down even further.

2\.  Make it personal

Even if it seems tempting, if you want to end your relationship, don't do it over the phone or by email. That's not fair! The only respectful way to break up is in person. Everyone deserves an explanation and a personal talk!

3\.  Be honest

While we're at it: Save yourself lame excuses. "It's not you, it's me" or "I'm sorry, but I think I'm just incapable of having a relationship" will only leave your partner with question marks. Try to explain honestly, but sensitively and without hurting, why you are breaking up. This is the only way to give your partner the opportunity to understand and accept that you are going your separate ways.

4\.  Make it clean

Don't make promises that you can't keep afterwards. Don't say that "maybe someday" it could work out again, just because you want to reduce the pain. In the long run, you will cause much more suffering than you seem to save. And when the relationship is over, break off contact and give your ex-partner the time and space to separate from you. So: no phone calls, no messages, no emails and no meetings.

5\.  Listen

Give your counterpart the opportunity to say something about it, express feelings and ask questions. This may be your last conversation for a while. So take your time and be as honest as you can without hurting your future ex-partner too much.

6\.  Take responsibility

If you are the one who decides to end the relationship, the responsibility is yours. So don't put it off! Neither external circumstances such as your job, hobbies or the stars nor your partner are responsible for your decision. Communicate it that way!

7\.  Cherish the relationship

A particularly important aspect of breaking up is to have fond memories of the relationship you had. Even if not everything went smoothly, you both had a good time. Try to see the good things now.

But be careful: don't idealise the relationship too much either. There are romantic notions, prevalent in films, books and series, that we have "that one" chance at great happiness. But we don't. In reality, there are many potential partners for us.

**Break up: These are the things you should never do or say during a break-up**
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8\.  Don't do it in public

When you end a relationship, it may well be that tears flow, maybe even that it gets loud. In any case, emotions arise that need space - and you can't do that in a public space. Restaurants, cafes or even parties are an absolute no-go when it comes to breaking up. An outdoor place is fine, but make sure you have your peace and quiet.

9\.  Don't do it at your home

Breaking up in your partner's home can be easier for both of you. This way you can pack your things afterwards and go home yourself, and the person you are leaving is in a familiar environment with their feelings.

10\.  "We can remain good friends after all"

Save the sentence. Maybe that's what you want now, but most likely you just want to dull the pain. Besides, a "friendship" would maintain contact, which is not helpful in the first period after the break-up (see also point 4).

11\.  Promise nothing

Even if it feels right at first: You are not the person your ex-partner should turn to when he or she is feeling bad after the break-up. After you have broken up, both of you should be aware that the relationship is over. Therefore also:

12.\  No sex!

No goodbye sex. It will totally confuse you both. Feelings come up again, the sex could be damn good or damn bad - in the long run it won't help you or your partner move on from the relationship.

It is now much more important to stay with oneself and to dedicate oneself to the different phases of grief during a separation.

Source: Psychology Today

You have read the above tips for breaking up, but still don't dare to end your relationship? Still hesitating because you're not sure if you should break up at all? Book a trial session with one of our coaches!

A separation is always painful. But if you keep a few things in mind, it doesn't have to be worse than necessary. How can I break up respectfully?

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Breaking up: How to break up respectfully