Actually, Jonas would be perfect. Martha likes his laugh, his alert eyes, the way he moves. The way he treats her, the things he says to her, his sense of humour - it all fits Martha like flowers in a kitschy 19th century still life. And yet... there's just no spark. Something is missing. Martha just doesn't know what it is. And this is not the first time she has felt this way.

Always the wrong partners? It could be due to attachment styles
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If we take a closer look at the two, we quickly find out what the problem is. It's their attachment styles. Jonas is the secure type. He is self-confident, can deal with his feelings and can also cope with difficult situations. Martha, on the other hand, has an anxious attachment style. And people with an anxious, insecure attachment style tend to fall for people with an avoidant attachment style. People who are insecure in their attachments often have a hard time dealing with people of the secure type. The signals they send simply do not fit their pattern. They are more likely to jump at thrills - for example, when they are pushed away by the avoidant type and thus made to chase after something possibly unattainable. Secure attachment types, on the contrary, seem rather boring. Even though they may not be.

By the way, attachment styles can change depending on the social environment. It may well be that Martha is self-confident in her job and can deal with difficult situations and only has an anxious attachment style in love matters. It is just as possible that Jonas is anxious in his professional environment and only has a secure attachment style in his private life.

So Martha is not condemned to run forever past the Jonases in her life. With a little work on herself, she too can manage to attain a secure attachment style.

Do you feel the same way as Martha and would like to change that? Then let's talk about it! Book a free 30-minute session with one of our coaches today.

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Jonas would actually be perfect for Martha, everything fits. But the spark doesn't fly. Why some people avoid secure relationships.

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Way too boring! Why people avoid secure attachments