‍**Soul mates: The dream of one great love at first sight, coupled with unconditional trust and telepathic communication. Does it really exist? And if so, where exactly can you find it?**

Alex looks out of the window, lost in thought. It is raining. Again. It doesn't feel like it's going to stop. "If only I could finally find the love of my life," he thinks to himself, while a hopelessly romantic sigh escapes him, "then everything wouldn't be so grey. He would love to find her: His soul mate, the love that completes him and with whom he will be happy for the rest of his life. But does such a soul mate even exist?

**Soul mates: Three concepts**
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In the depths of psychological research, we come across the work of Dr. Alexandra Solomon and find attempts at explanation that bring us a little closer to the mystery of soul mates. In "Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want" she distinguishes between three ways of looking at soul mate. Knowing them can help us learn to love better. Because the concept we carry of soul mates shapes the way we form relationships.

1\.  **Bashert: To all eternity and beyond**

The Yiddish word for soulmate:r is "bashert" and conveys a religious idea that we find again and again in literature, television and music. According to this idea, the soulmate, the "one" person predestined by God to fit us, is the perfect match. Behind this is the trust that something predetermines all our lives and that everything is right.

2.  ‍**Soul mates a travel community**

The second approach understands soul kinship as the effect of a common journey. If we go through life with certain people, so the idea goes, and together find a way to overcome difficulties, we have a good chance that our souls will become relatives. This does not necessarily have to be the love partner! Siblings, parents, grandparents or friends can also be soulmates. The advantage of this approach is, among other things, that it takes a lot of pressure off the search and gives us the opportunity to take our fate into our own hands.

3.  **Soulmates as a mirror**

Elizabeth Gilbert describes another form of soul mate in "Eat, Pray, Love". According to Gilbert, soulmates are companions who accompany us for a while. They hold up a mirror to us and help us to recognise our weaknesses and develop further. Then at some point they move on to the next relationship or create a new level in the current connection. According to this way of looking at things, soulmates can also only walk individual stages of life together. But even if the relationship has ended, it has never failed, but has found a perfect ending in which we have grown together.

**Soul mates: How we can find them**
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To help Alex in his search, let's start a thought experiment. Maybe we forget the first variant for now and save it for later. Then we imagine Gilbert's companions finding each other and growing together - through relationship work, communication and a secure attachment style. Instead of then looking for new partners, they could stay together. After all, they have both grown together and thus become new persons in a certain sense. From there, they can continue on the path. And they can do so as a travelling community of soul mates. And if they walk this path together, continue to grow together, they can also stay that way for all eternity as Bashert. But only if they want to.

Would you like to find your soulmate, but never find what you're looking for? Let's talk about it! Book a session with one of our coaches!
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Soul mates, the great love at first sight - does such a thing even exist? Or do you perhaps have to do something for it?

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Soul mate - the great search for love