**Whether monogamy is possible or polygamy is the better choice depends above all on the people who decide for or against it. But there are also intermediate paths.**

Florian is missing something in his relationship. He likes being with Peter, they love each other dearly and share everything together. But he would like to open up to other people, maybe even sleep with a woman and just try himself out. But he still hesitates to tell Peter his feelings, after all, he doesn't want to hurt him. But he also senses that monogamy doesn't really work for them.

**Monogamy - What is it actually?**
---------------------------------------

Monogamy initially means, quite clinically, that persons (or even certain animals such as penguins) commit themselves to an "exclusive reproductive community". To put it more nicely: two people decide to spend a period of their lives together, sleeping exclusively with each other. Christian tradition has taken this to a somewhat dramatic extreme with marriage and the addition of "till death do us part". The term "fidelity" is often used, but this can also exist in non-monogamous relationships. But first things first.

**Polygamy - is it even allowed?**
------------------------------------------

Polygamy, in contrast to monogamy, means living together and falling in love with several (poly=many) people. By the way, if these people want to get married, they have a hard time in Germany: Here, even entering into a second marriage (bigamy) is prohibited by law and can be punished with a prison sentence.

But in principle, of course, there is nothing wrong with loving more than one person. Fortunately, no one can tell us when to love! But what about fidelity?

**Monogamy, polygamy and fidelity: How are they related?**
-----------------------------------------------------------

Faithfulness means nothing more than being there for your partner and keeping the promises you make. Faithfulness gives security and trust and the knowledge that the other person is there for you. And that can also work in polygamous relationships. It all depends on what you make of each other.

Thus, faithfulness can also mean sexual exclusivity. In other words, someone who is faithful does not sleep with other people, someone who is faithful loves only the one person he or she is currently with.

But which is better: monogamy or polygamy?

**Advantages and disadvantages of monogamy**
------------------------------------

Basically, a monogamous relationship, especially if it is his secure bond, can provide a solid foundation for a sense of security, intimacy and great sex. The familiarity that a monogamous relationship gives can give a sense of closeness and connection as well as a deep feeling of love - you know where you are emotionally at home!

On the other hand, polygamy promises adventure and lures with the lust that is sometimes lost in long-term relationships. Researchers like Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá also write that it is not at all in our nature to live monogamously. In the social groups of our ancestors, sexual relationships were apparently changed at will, thus strengthening the bonds of the individual group members. Thus, the cave hippies not only pushed the level of the cuddle hormone oxtocin as high as possible. They also made sure that they reproduced in the best possible way.

Same-sex relationships were not frowned upon by our ancestors either. On the contrary: whatever was fun was allowed! (What the situation was like with jealousy at that time, however, is not known at present).

Statistically speaking, the promise of monogamy does not seem to work out either. According to statistics, in every second relationship one of the partners cheats. So has monogamy had its day?

**Monogamish: The intermediate solution**
----------------------------------

The author Dan Savage suggests the term "monogamish" as an intermediate solution. Means: Be - depending on your situation in life - as monogamous as is good and necessary at the time. This means that when the need for opening up or a new experience arises, the two partners open up the relationship together. However, if both of them realise that something they have tried doesn't work, they can then reverse the decision. Of course, this must apply to both partners, neither should make such decisions alone! Here it is important to talk openly with each other and discuss possible openings. And that could also help Peter and Florian.

**How can you open up your relationship?**
----------------------------------------

In "How we love - the end of monogamy", Friedeman Karig proposes four steps to open up relationships: Talking, feeling, kissing and walking.

Talking is the basic prerequisite. If we want to change something in our relationship, we have to talk openly about our feelings. One:r alone should not open the relationship. But to be able to talk about your feelings, you have to know them - so the second step is to feel! And the best way to do that is to be mindful.

So Florian could be advised: Listen to yourself and notice your feelings. But without judging them. Feelings are always OK, even if they are negative. The important thing is that they are felt and allowed.

Then it's time to kiss. This represents the appreciation of your partner. Show each other that you love each other! Show each other what you value in the other person. And then you can: Go. The next steps. And together. And be faithful to each other - even when you are intimate with others!

You want to open up your relationship but have problems talking about it with your partner? Book a trial session with one of our coaches now!

‍

Traditionally, most couples try to live in monogamy. Statistically, however, in every second relationship someone cheats. Is polygamy the better choice? And what role does fidelity play?

large_60d5b0d6e2899c5e64c430e5_pexels-jean-van-der-meulen-2078477 1.png

01

Home

02

About Us

03

Legal

04

Social

Monogamy vs polygamy: Anything goes or just the two of you?