Do you know this? Do your feelings get the better of you and you do or say things that you want to undo afterward? Your partner is pretty angry with you because you just can't control your emotions? Then this may have to do with a lack of emotional control.

Lack of emotional control is one of the biggest problems in relationships and an indicator of an unhealthy relationship (Christian, 2016). In other words, if you don't have your emotions under control, you put your relationship at risk. In doing so, we do not act according to our actual desires and block our paths.

If you want to break free from this pattern, you need to get in touch with your feelings. There are very concrete tips for this:

### Step 1: Become aware of your feelings.

*   What are you feeling?
*   How long have you felt like this?
*   What triggered this feeling?

If you listen to yourself and deal with the feelings, you are not at their mercy. You can attach them to concrete situations and bring them to the surface.

But simple sentences like "I don't feel well" or "I feel bad" are still a bit inaccurate. You can do better: Do you feel anxious, depressed, nervous or frustrated?

We know from studies: When we call a spade a spade, our stress level drops (Torre & Liebermann, 2018).

### Step 2: Feel what physical reactions a certain feeling brings.

Our brain connects certain bodily reactions with our feelings - this helps us to cope better with them, especially when they are strong.

You must know this:

Fear makes the heart race, and the hands sweat.

With anger, the blood "boils" - we get irate.

Grief feels like a heavy burden on the shoulders.

### Step 3: Practice self-care

The ability to know your feelings and to analyse them accurately is not something you learn just by reading this text. You have to train it! Going for a walk can help you do this. Scientists have found that a walk helps to increase the blood flow to your thinking apparatus. This gives you a clear head and you can concentrate on what you are feeling. Simply perceive without brooding!

Not a fan of going for a walk? No problem, there are many ways to take care of yourself. Good food, meditation, or healthy sleep are just a few examples of how to take care of yourself.

### Step 4: Indulge In Joy

Ok - it can't be that hard. You would think so. Unfortunately, our brain loves to store negative experiences. Especially in moments when everything around us darkens, it can be very difficult to see the light. But this too, you will guess, can be practised. Collect small moments of joy and keep them - for example in a diary, small notes or drawings - just as you like! Sometimes these little moments are hidden - you have to look very closely. But it's worth it - your brain is happy about new patterns.

Would you like to treat your brain to some new patterns, but struggling to? Then book a free 30-minute trial session with one of our coaches today and we'll see what we can do!

Feelings like anger or jealousy can be strong and overwhelm you. How can you better deal with negative and positive emotions?

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Mastering emotions: getting the brain in gear