Mira and Chris have been a happy couple for three years. Only lately there have been more and more arguments. Mira feels rejected and is offended when Chris only complies with her desire for physical closeness when she makes the first move. Instead of addressing him about it, she is sad and withdraws more and more. She doubts whether Chris still loves her, because otherwise he would have the same need for closeness, wouldn't he?

### **A need is first of all a desire, a perceived lack that we humans want to satisfy**

You may have heard of Maslow's pyramid of needs, which illustrates the needs humans have. First, our basic physical needs such as eating, drinking, and sleeping must be satisfied. Once these are satisfied, we crave security (a home, work, income). Next, come our social needs such as partnership and friendships.

If one or more of these needs are not met over a long period of time, physical or mental illnesses will result. Thus, they are crucial for our health and well-being. 

In addition, there are the emotional needs that relate to our growth and self-fulfilment (for example, recognition, closeness, power, success or freedom). Here it is important to note that these needs are expressed very differently in us humans.  

How nice it would be if Mira could always sense what Chris needs and he in turn could guess her needs! It is the responsibility of both of them to become aware of their own needs and wishes and to express them to their partner.

### **Perceiving and communicating our own needs is the key to satisfaction and the basis for healthy relationships - with ourselves and others.** ‍

Mira finds it difficult to address her longing for physical closeness with Chris because she doesn't want to feel clingy. At the same time, she is afraid that he will react negatively. At first, therefore, it is important for Mira to observe her feelings in order to learn more about her needs and to accept them as part of herself.

### **To get more in touch with your needs, you can use your feelings as a reliable guide.** ‍

Take a few minutes every day and ask yourself: How am I feeling right now? If you feel sadness, stress or fear, try to interpret these feelings as accurately as possible and "localise" them in your body. Maybe your stomach tightens or you feel a lump in your throat?

**Every sensation has a need that is not sufficiently appreciated at this moment..** Ask yourself what you need now to feel good. After Mira has become aware of her strong need for closeness, she sums up her courage and tells Chris about it. Contrary to her concern, Chris reacts with relief: for he too had already been worried because of her withdrawal and missed being close to her. He then gives her a big hug.

The more you live a life in harmony with your needs, the happier you will be. It's worth it! ❤

In love, it is important to express desires. How can I communicate my needs in a way that does not hurt and say what I need?

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