**Communication is the basic prerequisite for healthy relationships. If you know the four communication styles, you can find out more about yourself.**

Sometimes one wrong word can bring everything to a head. The situation escalates, the house is out of order. But we didn't mean it the way our counterpart understood it. Or did we?

# Communication in relationships

Communication is the bonding agent that keeps all relationships alive. If we manage to bring it to a healthy level, most doors are open to us. Because purposeful, non-violent communication, connects with the people around us and lets them share in our inner lives.

However, when it goes wrong, or is absent in the first place, it can be detrimental to our relationships and also to ourselves. If we fail to communicate what makes us tick and what our feelings are, we are alone with them and they can overwhelm us. Lack of communication or misguided communication leads to misunderstandings, loneliness and a loss of intimacy. But how do we distinguish between healthy and unhealthy communication?

# The four communication styles

According to a Princeton University publication, we can basically distinguish between four communication styles: Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive and Self-Determined.

Before we look at them in more detail, it should be noted that we are dealing with models here. They are not set in stone, nor can they describe people in their entirety. At most, they approximate them. We may also adopt different communication styles in different situations.

**The passive style**

People who adopt a passive communication style tend to keep a low profile in conversations. They rarely stand out in discussions and avoid being loud. They let others take the lead and tend to downplay their own needs and feelings. They may hold their feelings in check for a long time until they can't anymore. Then they may have outbursts that they later feel ashamed of.

**The aggressive style**

The aggressive communication style is characterized by a commanding tone that tries not to allow contradictions. People who communicate aggressively will show little or no consideration for their counterpart and their feelings. The tone of voice is loud and authoritative, and direct eye contact is usually made.

**The Passive-Aggressive Style**.

The passive-aggressive communication style is, as the name suggests, a mixture of the styles already mentioned. Requests or demands are hidden behind seemingly harmless statements, and criticism is formulated subtly. Often people with a passive-aggressive communication style are aware of their needs, but have problems communicating them openly. For the other person, this leads to confusion or the vague feeling of having done something wrong.

**The self-confident style**

People who communicate confidently can share their own feelings without hurting the other person(s). They work with first-person messages, mastering [nonviolent communication](https://app.hellodearest.io/article/nonviolent-communication-how-we-learn-to-speak-better). When speaking to others, they look their counterpart in the eye without looking down on them. Those who cultivate such a style of communication are able to listen well to the other person and empathize with his or her counterpart in the process.

**What does healthy communication mean?**

People who communicate passively, aggressively, or passive-aggressively run the risk of hurting themselves or others by doing so. This does not mean that they necessarily want to do so, perhaps they do not know any better or are in situations where they cannot react in any other way. A confident communication style, on the other hand, is appreciative of others and yet avoids overstepping anyone's boundaries.

No matter what your communication style is: You can change it to a confident style and do something good not only for yourself, but also for the people around you. An important prerequisite for this is to come to terms with your own feelings and [needs](https://app.hellodearest.io/article/check-in-are-you-neglecting-your-needs).  

*Do you want help tailored to you and your needs to communicate confidently? No problem. Just contact one or one of our coaches and talk about it. We will find a solution.*

Basically, a distinction is made between the passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and self-determined communication styles. Those who know them can learn to communicate in a healthier way.

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Four communication styles: How to talk to each other better

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Learning to speak better: The four communication styles in the relationship