**How attraction, and thus also love, works is for many a book with seven firmly closed seals. But if you know how to open it, you can read it quite well. So let's take a look inside.**

**Attraction: We love what is familiar to us**
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Surely you know someone like that: Actually, he or she is totally sweet, but keeps getting involved with people who don't do him or her any good in your eyes. But no matter how often you talk to them, they just don't seem to get it.

Chances are good that they will always choose "such" partners because they know them, because they are familiar to them. For example, people who grew up with addicted parents often choose partners who also have addiction problems. The same is true for victims of violence and abuse. Conversely, we can also be attracted to secure attachments. For example, if our partner reminds us of positive qualities that we already know, we may well be attracted to them. Because: We are attracted to what we know!

**Mindfulness and attraction**
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A lot happens in the first moments of an encounter. The popular saying is quite right when it says that first impressions count. What the saying fails to mention, however, is that an often unconscious programme is played out to classify our counterpart.

And there are a whole series of factors that play a role in this. These include the shape of the face, voice pitch or attractiveness, but also the perceived general emotional state. And it happens so quickly that we almost don't notice it. Because it takes less than 7 seconds for the first impression to be formed. People then tend to cling to this impression. And then prejudices can quickly arise that may not be justified at all. On the other hand, there is the possibility that we hold on to an ideal image that may not correspond to reality at all. This makes it all the more important to be aware of these processes.

It helps to stop for a moment at the next encounter and observe what happens. Ask yourself the following questions: In which drawer does your counterpart end up? Then think: Do gestures, appearance or even the voice sound familiar? If so, in what context?

Such exercises can possibly help to reduce prejudices and to become a little more familiar with one's unconscious.

By the way: the processes of classification are not as black and white as they may sound at first. Our brain is not looking for clones of us, but for a healthy mix. People with a secure attachment style look for a mixture of safety and security on the one hand and newness and excitement on the other.

Do you always get involved with people who are not good for you and would like to change that? Let's talk about it. Book a session with one of our coaches!

The power of attraction and the way lovers find each other is a mystery to many. But if you look behind the scenes, it's not so complicated.

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First impressions count: How attraction works